4 Simple Tips to Help Make Peace with Food
Welcome back to my series all about the principles of Intuitive Eating and how to start implementing them in your day to day life. So far we have talked about how to reject the diet mentality, and ways to honor your hunger. In this post we are going to dive into the 3rd principle, which talks about making peace with food. Now I know that this might feel like a tall order, especially if you are coming to intuitive eating from a place of chronic dieting or an eating disorder. Remember that sometimes what’s in the way is the way! Making peace with food is an important part of becoming an intuitive eater, and letting go of of food guilt and restriction will help you on this journey.
Making Peace with Food - What Exactly Does that Mean?
How often do you find yourself referring to food as “good” and “bad?” My guess is that it is pretty often, especially since this is the way we are socialized to think and talk about food. We assign some kind of moral “code” to the foods we think we should or should not be having, which in the end often leads to restriction and ignoring our own feelings of hunger and fullness (a key part of becoming an intuitive eater as we have discussed!)
Making peace with food is the first step in tuning in around what you actually enjoy (and later what your body actually enjoys), and being able to listen to your body and its needs. This leads to a more balanced approach to food, less restriction, and improved mental health.
How diet culture leads us astray
Have you ever watched a baby or young child eat? Most parents are keenly aware of the ways that their kids eat - some days they inhale their food and try all the things, and other days they pick and make you crazy, thinking that there is no way that they are getting enough. The truth is that these kids are intuitive eaters - they listen to their body and cues and have no moral feelings around foods. We know that for most this will end up changing over time, especially once they start to receive messaging from (typically well-intentioned) caregivers and other adults in their lives.
Once diet culture interferes with our thoughts around food, our ability to see foods as neutral plummets, making it more and more difficult to feel any kind of peace around what we eat. The food rules that diet culture preach tell us the what/when/where/how of eating and put rules in place that lead to good/bad thinking around food.
Think about some of the diets you have been on and the foods you craved while you were on it. Can you remember being on a diet where you were restricting certain foods or food groups and those foods were ALL you could think about? Ever switch to a different type of diet or food plan and found yourself craving the things you were previously eating on the last diet? This is common and to be expected. The more we restrict ourselves (and remember that restriction does not have to be all about quantity - not allowing yourself to eat a particular food is also a form of restriction), the more we crave that forbidden food and feel that we would be absolutely “out of control” if it were around. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but the way to feel in control around all foods is to give yourself access to ALL foods,
Food guilt
Letting foods simmer in categories of “good” and “bad” can have a serious emotional impact. This can lead to negative feelings around food and your body, heightened anxiety around food and life events involving food, and serious amounts of shame and guilt. When we label foods in this way we set ourselves up to “get it wrong” in situations where we might not be following the rules we have placed on ourselves.
Take this all too common scenario:
You decide to follow a diet, cutting out certain foods or limiting your intake → at first things feel great, you get a rush of serotonin and your “willpower” is at an all time high → you go to an event that includes food and resist as long as possible, but end up “giving in” to foods that were on your “bad” list → cue the guilt, shame, and feeling like you have messed up in some enormous way → you say “screw it” and eat whatever you want, leading to more guilt and shame → you continue eating this way since you “fell off the wagon” until you feel so much anxiety that you vow to start your next diet tomorrow → and the cycle starts over again.
Sound familiar? If you think through this scenario, could your food intake have possibly been more stable if you hadn’t been fighting against food rules in the first place at that event? The truth is that when we restrict ourselves, we are setting ourselves up to repeat this same cycle over and over again. These feelings of shame and guilt tend to grow larger over time as we become more and more frustrated with this process. Depriving ourselves of certain foods or amounts of food can also lead to increased intake due to both physical hunger and the mental impact of restriction.
Why we need to allow all foods
Part of making peace with food is giving yourself unconditional permission to eat. This means allowing yourself access to all foods whenever you want/need them. Yes, this can mean that you eat more of certain foods for a while. For some this might feel like “overeating” but what it often means is that there has been a level of restriction and your body needs to find its way back to balance. If we don’t truly allow ourselves to have unconditional permission, we can end up in the same cycle of deprivation and cravings that many of us are in for years.
Now for some practical tips on how to make peace with food!
4 Simple Tips to Help Make Peace with Food
Keep food at home
For many people stuck in the food restriction cycle, it can feel scary to actually keep food in your home. Thoughts around being “out of control” around food or “not trusting” yourself are common concerns, and it is valid that you have felt this way. The problem is that keeping food out of our house leaves us in the same place we are trying to get out of - feeling deprived and potentially ignoring our hunger cues
To be clear - there is nothing wrong with eating outside your home and it is absolutely encouraged and necessary! But, we also need to make sure that we have food on hand for when we want to eat, and to have a variety of it. Start by taking stock of your pantry and fridge and notice if you have a variety of foods and a quantity that makes sense for you and your family. Make a plan for going food shopping on a schedule that works for you and stick to it. Trust this process and the importance of having food around, even if it is bringing up negative or scary feelings. When feelings come up, simply notice them - these feelings will be important for moving through what might be holding you back from making peace with food.
Make a list
It can be a helpful and really powerful exercise to think about the foods that you have not been allowing yourself to access, or the ones that you feel guilty around eating when you do have them. Take out a piece of paper or open the notes app on your phone and make a list of all the foods that you have labeled “bad” or have been avoiding in some way.
If you are having trouble making the list, you can go through meals of the day and see what comes up. For example, what foods might you like to have for breakfast but you don’t allow yourself to? What snacks make you feel guilty after eating them? Maybe reflect on your favorite childhood foods and ask yourself if you have been letting yourself have them. It’s ok if there are a lot of foods on your list! This will simply give you more options to experiment with moving forward.
Pick a food from the list and stock it in your house
Now, take a look at that list and pick a food (or a few if you can!) and make a plan to bring that food into your home. If you can, really stock that food in your fridge/pantry - meaning don’t just buy 1 package, but buy a few so that it is truly in abundance (I know that there could be some financial barriers here so just do the best you can). For example, when I wanted to make peace with ice cream, I bought 5 cartons of it and left it in my freezer. If I had only purchased 1 carton, I may have felt the urge to ration it, or once I finished it would be back to feeling like I didn’t have access. When you truly stock a food, you are letting your brain know that you really have unconditional access to that food.
A few things can happen here - you might find that you eat some of that food and don’t finish it, or you might eat a lot of that food each day. This is normal and can last a while, so really commit to making sure that food is available to you when you want it. Even if your desire to continue eating that food lasts a while, I promise that it won’t last forever! Most people find that they eventually tire of (or habituate to) that particular food and can “take it or leave it” at a certain point. Again, there is no timeline on this and it is different for every person. Know up front that you might be digging into that food for a while, especially if you have been restricting it for some time.
Depending on how you feel, you can start this process with 1 food item or a few! Listen to your gut and do what feels right to you. Once you find that you have made peace with a certain food, continue to keep some around for a while, and move on to the next items on your list until you have truly given yourself permission to have the foods that you have been avoiding.
Let yourself sit with the feelings that come up
As we talked about earlier, you are probably going to have some big feelings while you actively are making peace with food. You might have worries or concerns about your weight or health, or feel guilt or shame around eating foods that may have been off-limits for a very long time. There might be parts of you that have an extreme reaction to this change and have valid feelings, especially when we have been fed misinformation about foods being good/bad or healthy/unhealthy.
When these feelings come up, notice them. Trying to push them away can often lead to more of a struggle, which can make things feel worse and give those thoughts way more power than they need/deserve. Try this short mindfulness exercise (developed from ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to see what it can feel like to just let thoughts be there:
Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes if that feels good to you. Push your feet into the floor and feel your body - your bottom on the seat, your feet on the floor, your back up against your seat. Let yourself feel your physical body and notice it. Then, notice that you are also having thoughts. Notice them coming and going, and if you feel yourself getting too hooked into one, try to take a step back and let it go by. Now notice your body again, pushing your feet into the floor, feeling the fact that you both have a body and have thoughts. Whenever you notice that you’ve been hooked in by a particular thought (which is normal and ok), simply notice it, and let the thought go. Don’t push your thoughts away, just let them be and float by (or hang around) on their own time. Feel your body once more and open your eyes.
How’d you do? Practicing mindfulness can be such a great tool to help you engage differently with thoughts that come up. You might also have parts of you that want some hard data, and reading the intuitive eating book can also help you understand some research studies regarding the physical and mental benefits of making peace with food.
Remember that the process of making peace with food (and all of the other principles of IE) are not linear. You might feel you have made peace with a certain food and then find yourself falling back into old patterns. That is normal and to be expected! If you notice this has happened, just circle back to some of the skills above and keep on going. When I originally read about IE, I went back to dieting and took years to really implement these changes. Give yourself compassion and kindness while navigating this huge change. And remember that if you need additional support on your journey, to connect with a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. As a Florida therapist, I would be honored to walk alongside you while you navigate this - feel free to check out more about what Intuitive Eating Therapy can look like for you!
