Why We Worry About Emotional Eating & What to Do About It
Emotional eating is a hot topic these days. You likely see professionals and other influencers talking about “how to stop emotional eating,” which continues to enforce that idea that this is a problem area in most of our lives. But is it? When did we decide that emotional eating was an issue? And if it is, what do we do about it, and why does emotional eating happen?
Why are we so scared of emotional eating?
Ever wonder why we are so scared of the idea of emotional eating? Well here’s my hot take: it’s mainly due to the influence of diet culture.
Diet culture tells us that we should have ultimate control over what goes in our bodies. It says to think about food as “fuel” and nothing more - and that having this ultimate control will get us an A+ grade. Diet culture says that if we think about food as pleasure, we have failed and have done something horribly wrong. If we play out the tape and think about why we are SO scared of emotional eating, most of the time it leads to a fear of weight gain. Many of us have spent so much of our lives fighting against our body and trying to control its size (and our health), and that makes the thought of losing control over this is terrifying at best.
Consider this scenario - you have been on diets for the majority of your life, being told that you must control each morsel that enters your mouth. You have also been told that you cannot trust yourself and your cravings and must follow a plan. You are even taught not to trust your own internal hunger cues, instead being told you “might be thirsty” or “can’t be hungry, you just ate!” Now imagine feeling like your emotions “took over” and you dove headfirst into your favorite snack or dessert. Of course you will feel judgment and shame - you have been told this is the opposite of what you are “supposed” to do! You feel like a failure. But are you?
Who said emotional eating is wrong
Think back to when you first started learning about food and how to eat. You may have had well-intentioned parents who told you that certain foods were “good” or “bad,” and dictated when and where you were able to eat. You may have had a health class in school which spoke to you about nutrition and put fear in you about those choices. You watch shows day in and day out that talk about the horrors of not being in a small body (and shame those that live in larger bodies), and social media is more of the same. You might hear professionals with important-sounding degrees and certifications saying the same things - that you should be fueling your body a specific way, and that deviating from that is just plain wrong (and *gasp* even dangerous).
Unfortunately, many of the food and “health” advice we receive these days is heavily steeped in diet culture and fatphobia. Diet culture tells us that a small body is the only “good” body and we should spend all of our extra time pursuing a goal that will bring us closer to that point. It also tells us that there is a right and wrong way to eat. Diet culture will say that we should “only be eating when hungry” and that emotional eating is a behavior to be dealt with. Fatphobia makes us believe that being in a larger body is a moral failing, and that the size of our body is 100% within our control. It tells us that our worth and value are wrapped up in our ability to assert this control, and that fat bodies are just plain wrong.
So why does emotional eating happen? (and is it emotional eating?)
There are so many reasons why someone might eat for emotional reasons. When you google the definition of emotional eating, you will see information pointing to “over-eating” and ways that it can “derail weight loss efforts.” What do these point to? You guessed it - fear of weight gain. The bigger question is - “over” what amount? Who decides how much food is the right amount of any given person in any given situation? The logic here is flawed, and continues to perpetuate a fear of bodies not staying small.
Think about the last fun event you went to - there was probably good food, friends or family, and a carefree attitude. At this event you may have been served food, or visited a buffet, and enjoyed your eating experience. But would you classify this as emotional eating? My guess is no, that you would not classify this type of experience (which you likely identify as when you felt positive emotions) to emotional eating for “negative” reasons. But is it truly any different? You may not have been hungry at the event but you likely ate anyways, because you wanted to savor the social experience.
So then when we talk about emotional eating, we are really likely referring to “eating when experiencing negative emotions.” Again, I implore you to think about what feels negative about this type of experience. Is it because you are focusing on eating a certain way such as only eating specific types or amounts of foods? Do you tend to feel guilt and shame in these instances and like you have done something wrong? What would happen if we brought some curiosity to the experience of emotional eating to see what is truly going on?
What To Do if You Worry You Are Emotionally Eating - 4 Tips
1. Is it really emotional eating or are you…
Let’s say that you catch yourself having a food experience that feels a lot like emotional eating. Or - you might be reflecting on an experience that you had that felt very emotional. Take a look at what your relationship with food currently is. Do you allow yourself to have the foods you want? Are you controlling your intake in any way? When was the last time you ate a meal or a snack? Sometimes, we can feel out of control or uncomfortable when we are doing something that might feel out of the ordinary for our day to day.
Ask yourself the question - is it really emotional eating or are you: hungry, restricting, or trying to control your intake? Perhaps you have been restricting in some way (no judgment!) and your body has had enough. Remember - restriction does not only mean eating “less calories,” it can also mean cutting out food groups or types of food, or not allowing yourself to have the amount that you truly desire. You can also ask yourself if you just happen to be hungry at a time that does not feel convenient to you. Hunger cues are also not always the straightforward grumbling in the tummy - it can be a sensation in your throat, lightheadedness, low energy, or some other way your body is trying to grab your attention (anywhere from subtle to not so subtle).
2. So it is emotional eating, now what?
Let’s say that you have asked yourself all those questions above and you feel that it truly is emotional eating. Now what? How do you stop emotional eating? First of all, get comfortable with the idea that there is nothing wrong with using food to cope. Food is joy and comfort and sometimes a friend when we need it. Life can be hard! Sometimes things just suck and we need our favorite comfort food to remind us of better times or bring us a little joy when things feel bleak. Remind yourself that there is nothing inherently wrong with eating for emotional reasons, and that the only reason you have been taught that it is wrong is because of nasty diet culture (which you are trying to divest from!).
Although I don’t think there is anything wrong with eating for comfort, it is nice to know that we have a plethora of coping skills in our toolkit. The key here is tuning in to what you truly need in this situation. Are you longing for connection? Maybe this is a good time to reach out to a friend or someone in your life who is supportive and can help you process whatever is going on.
Are you trying to soothe some negative feelings after a tough day? Maybe it would help to listen to some music or watch a favorite tv show while you are noshing on your favorite snack. Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed and are looking to ground yourself. Maybe some meditation or other mindful technique can help you come back to center. Side note that I am 100% NOT saying that you can’t also eat during these times, but we might want to layer on some other strategies that can help us.
3. Ditch the judgment
I know, I know, I talk about this a lot! I can’t help myself - we are chronically judging and shaming ourselves literally for just existing! We are our worst critic and it truly is not helpful or a good representation of the truth. If you already have a negative connotation about emotional eating, it is likely that you are going to give yourself a really hard time if it happens. If the idea of emotional eating makes your heart race, really take a moment to think about where this messaging came from. Who told you that there was something wrong with eating in this way? Where did this narrative come from?
Sometimes, half the battle of dealing with things that makes us uncomfortable is figuring out why we are feeling discomfort in the first place. If we are then judging ourselves on top of that, it can be a recipe for disaster. The next time you find yourself in a judgmental or critical place, see what would happen if you gave yourself some compassion and did not add more stress on top of an already stressful situation. Remind yourself that the underlying narrative around emotional eating is coming from an external place, and one that is not looking out for your best interest. Plus - trying to figure out how to stop yourself from emotional eating might actually lead to, you guessed it, more emotional eating (because eating is emotional!).
4. Consider exploring your relationship with food
How would you classify your relationship with food? Is it stressed out and wrapped up in diet culture and wanting to change your body? Do you truly give yourself permission to eat what you want? For many of us, we grew up being told that our internal instincts about food were wrong. We were taught to not trust our bodies to tell us what we needed when, and to follow some external rules about the when/where/how of eating. What this did was leave a generation (or many) questioning every interaction with food that they have. We wonder if we ate too much, not enough, not the right thing, etc, etc. Could this be part of the reason why emotional eating happens for you?
I cannot tell you the amount of people who come into my therapy office who feel like they are completely out of touch with their needs and are continuously questioning their food choices. If this sounds familiar, please show yourself some of that compassion we talked about - this stuff is not easy and there is nothing wrong with you! The bottom line is that if your relationship with food is not in a great place, it can be hard to really tune into what is going on underneath all the noise.
If you are struggling with your relationship with food, consider getting some help from a professional or starting to do some research or reading to dive into this work. I would recommend starting with one of the following books: Intuitive Eating, The Body is Not an Apology, or Body Trust.
If you are looking for a therapist in FL, I am currently accepting new clients! Reach out to connect, or check out my free resources on my blog or social media.
